Recently I noticed a change in myself. It came from a small moment. My curator in the program was preparing me for feedback on my work. She asked me in advance not to be upset if something in her comments felt wrong to me.

At that moment I realized that I do not get upset at all. Nothing knocks me off track. Nothing moves me out of the calm, steady balance that I now live in all the time.

Everything I can observe in myself, emotions and feelings, feels like clothing. It is on the surface, something I picked up along the way. It changes. Once it was not there, and one day it will be gone.

But there is something that has always been in me. I feel this vajra nature very clearly: it is the same little boy who has lived inside me all my life, from the very first moment I became aware of myself. Nothing affects him. He has no bad qualities. He is perfect.

I feel and value this state the same way I feel balance on a surfboard. When you catch a wave, you become one with its energy and power, and you move in the same direction as the wave. I am in exactly this state now. It is gentle, beautiful, very joyful, even playful.

And maybe the most valuable part is this: it was the apology in advance that helped me see it. Someone worried ahead of time that they might hurt me, and because of that I understood that, in fact, I can no longer be hurt.